Portraits of Hal

2022

For a long time, I’ve been wanting to create a series of portraits of my Hal. Portraits where I honor him as a person, his strength and his vulnerability. And portraits where I express how it feels for me to be both a witness and a participant in this Parkinson’s experience.

I’m constantly struck by the wildness of his silver hair, quiet moments where we’re just sitting holding hands, and (this idea is curious to me) the beauty of his afflicted body. But there is darkness there too and I don’t want to censor that.

It’s so easy to see any person with a disability as the other. This is true both more and less when it’s someone you’re close to. At one moment, I’m his wife. I’m seeing him as an equal, sharing my day, eager to hear his thoughts about something in my life. The next moment, I’m his caregiver, his nurse. Doing a job I didn’t sign up for the best I can. Seeing him as the other, vulnerable, someone I need to figure out how to protect.

So I struggle daily with how to cross the divide. How to create an image of both the beauty and the difficulty. And most importantly, how to be as honest as I can without violating his dignity and our connection.