Art & Parkinson’s
More artwork and writing on the theme of “Autonomy & Safety”
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Some days, it feels like we’re both sinking – or, that there will be a man overboard.
Hal came up with a name for our boat: the S.S. Hope.
What would it look like? What would we patch it with? What would be our compass? (Love and forgiveness?) How to not worry when the compass momentarily doesn’t work and we’re blown off course?
The Perfect Caregiver
I seem to have this image of the perfect caregiver in my mind. Someone forever self-sacrificing, attentive, focused, never saying the wrong thing, making the wrong move, revealing her stress, her sadness, her anger. Always relaxed, graceful, gentle, maintaining balance and equilibrium. Thinking of the next thing that needs doing, acting on it immediately, anticipating, preparing for, fixing all problems. And magically finding time for herself, for her friends and family.
Who is this person? Or, more to the point, who does she think she is? Where does she live? What does she look like? If she’s such a good caregiver, she can take care of me too!
Binary Thoughts
Hal and I were talking yesterday about my responsibilities as his caregiver. When do I act on my concerns about his safety vs. when do I support his need for independence?
My feelings on any given day tend to be binary: Worry. Not Worry.
I can go from one to the other in an instant. One minute I can be carefully watching him rise from his chair, find his way to his walker, and begin to inch along. I hold my breath, feeling as if my being right there is crucial to his safety and, failing that, he will certainly fall.
But then, a few minutes later, I go off to do something and forget to worry. With a kind of magical thinking, I’m confident that everything will be ok.
Morning Sketches TO BE UPDATED
